24 – A Virtuous Wife
בייה
An individual wrote to us about marriage. Being alone is tuff because we were created to be together. It is The Creator’s intent for every man to have a wife and for every woman to have a husband. Ha Torah Says in (Genesis 2.18) that the Lord God said, ‘It is not good that הָאָדָם Ha Adam should be alone; I will make him a help to match him.’ Solomon wrote in (Proverbs 18.22) that ‘Whoever finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord,’ A man cannot accomplish what the Lord requires without having a wife. A wife works on her husband. She loves him and in the same breath she is designed to try him. A husband must be tried. This is what makes him a much better individual. The husband must be very careful to be kind to his wife and to be pleasing to her. Wives want a husband that cares for them. They want a husband that is good, slow to anger, understanding, and who studies Ha Torah and prays daily. A man must learn how to be the best possible husband he can be so that his wife desires to help him instead of oppose him. The Talmud quotes R. Eleazar in (Yevamos 63a) He said, ‘Any man who does not have a wife is not a proper man; for it is written in (Genesis 5.2) ‘[The Lord God] created them male and female; and blessed them, and called their name Adam / Man, in the day when they were created.’ Only when the male and female were united were they called Adam. (Genesis 2.24) says, ‘A man / husband shall דָבַק Daw-Vahq – attach [his stick] inside his wife [then] they shall they become one flesh.’ They are united! Originally, a male Adam and a female Adam shared the same body. (Bereisheit Rabba 8) quotes R. Jeremiah ben Leazar saying: ‘When the Holy One, blessed be He, created Adam, He created him as a hermaphrodite [bi-sexual], for it is written, ‘Male and Female created He them and called their name Adam.’ The Lord God formed their body as one with a combination of masculine and feminine sexual organs. They were created androgynous. Rabbi Moshe Weissman, The Midrash Says (Brooklyn, New York: Benei Yakov Publications 1980), p. 33 Rabbi Samuel ben Nahman said: ‘When The Lord Created Adam He Created him double-faced, then later He split him and made him with two backs, one back on this side and one back on the other side.’
Study Partners, the following Scriptures include additional information for the reader’s clarity. That information was not necessary for Eliezer because he had a working knowledge of Abraham’s manner of living gained through decades of service. (Genesis 24.2 – 5) says, ‘Abraham said to the oldest servant of his house, [Eliezer] who ruled over all that he had, ”Please put, your hand under the holy place of my brit-milah and swear by the Lord, the God of heaven, and the God of the earth, that you shall not take a wife for my son from the daughters of the [cursed] Canaanites, among whom I live. But you shall go to my country, [Mesopotamia] and to my [brother, Nachor’s] family, and take a wife for my son Isaac.’
Three years earlier, in (Genesis 22.20) immediately after the Acadia, the Lord God gave Abraham a vision. Saying, ‘Behold, Milcah, she has also born children to your brother Nahor; Huz his firstborn, and Buz his brother, and Kemuel the father of Aram, And Kesed, and Hazo, and Pildash, and Jidlaph, and Bethuel. And Bethuel fathered Rebekah; these eight Milcah did bear to Nahor, Abraham’s brother.’ Abraham Understood That the purpose of his vision was to inform him of Rebekah, the future wife for Isaac.
Age was not a determining factor.
When Rebekah was born, Abraham was 137 years of age, and Isaac was 37 years of age. Isaac was 37 years older than Rebekah, his cousin.
Family was not a determining factor.
(Genesis 25.20) says, ‘Isaac was forty years of age when he took Rebekah for his wife. [She was] the daughter of Bethuel the Aramean of Padan-Aram, and the sister to Laban the Aramean. (Vayikra Rabba 23.1) informs us, ‘Both were deceivers.’ Rebekah was not like them. She was a righteous woman who came out from among them at three years of age. She was likened to ‘A lily among thorns.’ (Genesis 24.58 – 59) says, ‘[Milcah and Laban] called Rebekah and said to her, ‘Will you go with this man?’
Wisdom, Maturity, and Wholesomeness were determining factors.
‘[Rebekah] said, I will go. And they sent Rebekah, their sister, her nurse, Abraham’s servant, and his men away.’ Who allows a three-year-old to make life choices like this? Yet, we see Rebekah’s wisdom, maturity, and wholesomeness in this scriptural narrative.
The age difference between a man and a woman should not be a determining factor for marriage. Nasty family traits should not be a determining factor for marriage. God looks upon an individual’s heart.
Appearance is a determining factor.
(Jeremiah 20.12) says, ‘O Lord of hosts, You examine/scrutinize the righteous, and see their seat of emotion and their heart.’ (Psalms 33.13 – 15) says, ‘The Lord looks down from Heaven; He beholds all the sons of men from the place of His habitation. He looks upon all the inhabitants of the earth. He fashions their hearts alike; He considers all their deeds.’ (1Samuel 16.7) says, ‘The Lord said to Samuel, Look not on [David’s] countenance, or on the height of his stature; because I have refused him; for the Lord sees not as man sees; for man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.’ Knowing that, Scripture states in (Genesis 24.15 – 16) ‘[Rebekah] / the girl was very pretty to look upon, a virgin, and no man had known her, and she went down to the well, and filled her water jar, and came up.’ What we are reading here is a spiritual revelation. The Shekinah accompanied Rebekah from her mother’s womb. When the matriarch Sarah died, The Shekinah began attending Rebekah. Before that specific day, Rebekah had not come out to draw water because her father, Bethuel, was king of Aram. Rebekah was a princess with many servants. Her parents were wealthy. There was no need for Rebekah to draw water. Yet, on that specific day at that particular time, The Shekinah Drew her to the well. There was a notable presence about Rebecca. She did not dress like the other scantily dressed girls at the well that displayed themselves for men seeking a wife. They chatted and gossiped amongst each other. We know that God’s presence was all about Rebekah because she dressed modestly. She veiled her face and did not speak with other women. Rebekah did not place herself in competition with the other women. She approached the water which arose to fill her jar. Then gave water to Eliezer, the elder servant of Abraham, then began drawing water for ten thirsty camels. She showed respect, loving-kindness, compassion, and hospitality to a stranger, an elderly man she did not know. Rebekah acted out of love and concern for animals in need.
The highlighted portions of our discussion are intended to draw attention to the good behaviors needed in marriage relationships. This study touches on some of the essential traits necessary in marriage, not all of them. Each of us knows pretty much what we want in our dream husband or our dream wife, but we should be mindful of what we are willing to give?
May we, God, Willing, study the Torah’s Guidelines of righteous living in our marriage relationships. May we help others and bring peace and healing to our world. May this coming Sabbath and every Sabbath be a blessed Day.
Good Sabbath!
Dr. Akiva Gamliel Belk
