32 Feeling Insignificant
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Dear Ones, what does it feel like to be thought of as small, insignificant, and unimportant that one is not worthy of any consideration? What is it like being the last kid picked for the soccer team? How does it feel being chubby instead of fit, ugly instead of beautiful, poor instead of rich, hungry instead of full and satisfied? What is it like being a tiny dot, a period, or a dash no one pays attention to?
Many scenarios describe what it is to be insignificant. Some feel powerless to get off the world’s merry-go-round. It’s like one cannot change any of the circumstances they face. Sometimes we may feel insignificant, but in reality, it is most likely only a feeling. Still, there are times when we may feel like a helpless failure, weaker than a noodle, pushed around, and defeated by our evil inclination, lower than dirt, with people walking all over us. Our goal in this discussion is to nudge us towards a fresh perspective of ourselves. What is our perspective? Who are we listening to? How does it affect our frame of mind? An individual posted: ‘There’s 6 ways Monkey-pox is spread ABC…NBC…CBS…MSNBC…CNN…FOX.’
Our study focuses on Jacob keeping his eye on the ball. If we are to understand this post, it is helpful to re-read the post on (Genesis 31) – Evil Influences. In our session there, we tried to parley the pressure leverage muscle Laban and Esau tried to put upon Jacob. He could have collapsed had God not been with him. (Genesis 31.42) says, ‘Except the God of my father, the God of Abraham, and the fear of Isaac, had been with me, surely you would have sent me away now empty. God has seen my affliction and the labor of my hands and rebuked you.’
(Genesis 31) focuses on Jacob, the grandson of Abraham, being humble, honest, wise, protective, and faithful.
(Genesis 32.11) [Jacob says to the Lord] God of Israel, ‘I am unworthy of all the kindness and of all the faithfulness that You have completely placed upon Your servant for I crossed the Jordan [only] with my staff and presently have become two [large, powerful, forceful, God fearing] camps.’
Why is Jacob saying, I am insignificant, i.e., I am unworthy? Our sages teach that when Jacob fled his father Isaac’s home, Elifaz, the son of Esau, went after Jacob and overtook him. Elifaz was ordered by his evil father, Esau, to murder his Uncle Jacob. Yet Elifaz was raised by his grandfather Isaac. Elifaz did not want to disobey his father’s order to kill his Uncle Jacob even though he understood that order was evil. Elifaz waited fourteen years while Jacob hid in the tent of Eber, hoping Esau would rescind his order because he was a righteous man! He was conflicted! How could he do both? When Jacob left for his uncle Laban’s, Elifaz confronted him with his predicament. Uncle Jacob helped him sort things out.
Like Jacob and Elifaz, there are times we find ourselves in predicaments and conflicting situations. We have allegiances to [unethical] employees, neighbors, friends, and relatives while at the same time a responsibility to God and His Torah. Some of our loyalties may be to people who do not observe Ha Torah. We overlook their failures and misgivings for one reason or another. Perhaps we are members of a congregation whose rabbi’s interpretation of Ha Torah conflict with our stricter understanding of Holy Scripture exegesis as Moses, our teacher, and Korah did in (Numbers 16). See The Stone Commentary for Korach. Families do split over Scriptural exegesis. So what do we do? Elifaz consulted with a Tzaddik, A righteous man. He consulted with Jacob regarding his predicament. Now Jacob’s counsel to his nephew was taking everything he [Jacob] had with him because a poor man is considered dead. He would be placing his uncle Jacob in a financially insignificant place. So Elifaz heeded his Uncle Jacob’s counsel and took everything but Jacob’s clothes and staff.
We realize that taking Jacob’s things was not what Esau meant when he gave the order to kill his brother Jacob, yet within the broader spectrum of the meaning of being dead, Elifaz fulfilled his father’s order. The comparison of poverty to death expresses the power of poverty! Now we return to (Genesis 32.11) where Jacob reminisces over the blessings of the Lord God in his path from poverty to prosperity.
[ יַעֲקֹב ]. Jacob’s Name begins with the Letter י Yod. The size of the Letter יYod is the tiniest of all the Hebrew Aleph-Bet. Yet, the Yod is spiritually the most powerful!! The Holy Name of the Lord begins with the Letter Yod. The Name Israel [ יִשְׂרָאֵל ] starts with the Letter Yod. The Holy City Jerusalem [יְרוּשָׁלַיִם ] begins with the Letter Yod. The Yod is known as a jot or tittle. The Gematria of Yaakov’s Name {182} in connection with the time measured between when Avram was commanded to go to Eretz Canaan and when his grandson Yaakov was commanded to return to Eretz Canaan {182 years}. Notice the Gematria of the word בְמַקְלִי Vi Mahk Lee {with my staff} is 182. What does (Psalms 23.4) say? ‘Your rod and Your staff comfort me.’
Years ago, the Lord gave me a revelation,‘ Challenge Me to take something small and make it great; something man has discarded and make it something God can use.’ Honestly, doesn’t the Lord place the same challenges before us? What is challenging in your life? Can you take something small and make it something extraordinary? Let’s look at the יYod in our life.
Our discussion points out that even though it may appear like life is going in the wrong direction for us, God uses many tools to correct what others try to do to us. God Turns their scheming into Blessings for The People of Israel. In Numbers, God Turned Baalam’s curse into a blessing for The People of Israel. ‘How goodly are your tents, O Jacob, and your tabernacles, O Israel,’ (Numbers 24.5).
(Psalms 121.1 – 8) reminds us, ‘I will lift my eyes to the mountains. From where does my help come? My advice comes from The Lord, who made Heaven and earth. He Will not let your foot be moved; He who watches you will not slumber. Behold, He who Watches Israel shall neither slumber nor sleep. The Lord is your keeper; The Lord is your shade upon your right hand. The sun shall not strike you by day, nor the moon by night. The Lord shall preserve you from all evil; He shall preserve your soul. The Lord shall keep your going out, and you’re coming in from this time forth and forever.’
May each of us be encouraged to know that God has our back.
The Lord’s Blessing upon those who make and follow righteous agreements. May The Lord Bless all who study Ha Torah and dedicate themselves to Lovingkindness. Do not be frightened or tripped out by the Esau’s of our world.
Blessings and Peace,
Dr. Akiva Gamliel Belk
